Yahoo! Mario, mentioning that one search engine that no one uses.
Mario is a human plumber who thinks he is a war hero. He does nothing except jump into pipes and toilets looking for some poop to smoke. He likes normal cigarettes too, but he likes the poopy ones better because he's disgusting. Mario doesn't smoke weed because the weeds turn him into his alter-ego Persistent the Plumber, his answer to Chronic the Hedgehog.
Yesterday he killed a worm because it asked him what color Weegee's pants are. Mario's brother is Luigi, who thinks he's a chicken. Surprisingly, Mario is the vice president of Green Hill Zone.
Mario VS Sonic[]
Mario and Sonic are adversaries. One time Mario bombed Mobius with napalm after he fought in Vietnam to try and kill all his friends. Of course, Mario didn't know that Sonic haters already tried those 8 years prior, and the animal population developed fire resistance. In fact, the blood of animals is used to make fire resistance potions in Minecraft and vaccinator medi-guns in TF2. Mario regularly hangs out with Sonic's rival Dr. Robotnik and plants ways on getting back at Sonic. So far 30 types of evil shrubs are making the root canals to Sonic's house, so he's gotta go fast the hell away from there if he wants to survive being... actually, what are a bunch of plants gonna do to Sonic anyways?
Racing[]
Mario killed Sonic in a race once because of some stupid internet cartoon, so Kratos slayed Mario for that.
Olympics[]
He thinks he could beat Sonic at running, so he challenged him to The Olympic Sprint. Mario obviously lost because he's too slow, but to try and compensate tried to beat Sonic at other stuff. Sonic beat Mario at every shame because of Netwon's 2nd Law. Sonic even beat Mario at the high jump, you know, the one thing Mario is known for? Mario got Saddening after finally knowing that he was inferior to Sonic. Truly a “you fell off” moment.
Banishment[]
After being the worst superhero of all time, Mario was banished to The Mushroom Planet and forced to eat mini mushrooms all day until he became the size of an atom. He's still alive, just is very very small... until he found a random mushroom and become normal size again.